Today was my first official day at James Cook University. I'll be honest, the night before, I was terrified. I couldn't sleep till 1:30 am and ended up waking up at 5:30. I was exhausted! So I did the usual, shower, have my tea and cigarette and got dressed. That same morning I wasn't nervous at all which was strange. I guess sub consciously I decided that I was going to make a huge effort on my first day. Wearing nice clothes and having my make up done really boosted my confidence because I knew that I didn't look like shit and no one was gonna make fun of me.
I got there early so there weren't that many people but after 15 minutes there were loads of people. I was placed in between 2 girls who quickly became my friends. I decided to let it all go. Why keep it in? I was there to make friends because I don't have many and everything went smoothly. I was happy.
I exchanged numbers and Facebooks and even ended up going for lunch! I was always that girl who would never talk much for the first few days unless someone spoke to me. I just didn't know what to say. Would there judge me because of where I'm from? Does my accent sound weird? I was never a conversation starter but when you find yourself alone and desperate for human contact, it will happen.
When I was younger I was always told that I was too loud and it used to annoy people. At the time I didn't really care because I thought that was just who I was, but after a while I closed up. I was no longer that cheerful and bubbly girl that I used to be. Instead, I was just that boring chubby girl who kept to herself. I knew that's who I was after a while and it really brought down my self esteem.
I promised myself that I wouldn't talk about personal things on my blog but after today I realised that there are a lot of people who are in the position I used to be in and most of the time it's not their fault. It's other people who judge them. That eventually breaks a person.
Just recently I decided to be my loud obnoxious self again and if people don't like it they can shove it. Just because you don't like who I am doesn't mean I have to change myself to please you. You either deal with the aspect of me you don't like or you can piss off and not be friends with me.
The only way I was gonna make true friends was if I was myself from the start. I thought "What's the point of keeping to myself at first and then showing my real side later? They could decide not to like me anymore and they'll stop talking to me." I really don't want that to happen to me, especially if I made a connection with someone.
My all time favourite quote: "Love someone for who they are and not for who you can change them to be."
I live by this quote and I always will. Don't be afraid to let go and be yourself.
Take care xx
I got there early so there weren't that many people but after 15 minutes there were loads of people. I was placed in between 2 girls who quickly became my friends. I decided to let it all go. Why keep it in? I was there to make friends because I don't have many and everything went smoothly. I was happy.
I exchanged numbers and Facebooks and even ended up going for lunch! I was always that girl who would never talk much for the first few days unless someone spoke to me. I just didn't know what to say. Would there judge me because of where I'm from? Does my accent sound weird? I was never a conversation starter but when you find yourself alone and desperate for human contact, it will happen.
When I was younger I was always told that I was too loud and it used to annoy people. At the time I didn't really care because I thought that was just who I was, but after a while I closed up. I was no longer that cheerful and bubbly girl that I used to be. Instead, I was just that boring chubby girl who kept to herself. I knew that's who I was after a while and it really brought down my self esteem.
I promised myself that I wouldn't talk about personal things on my blog but after today I realised that there are a lot of people who are in the position I used to be in and most of the time it's not their fault. It's other people who judge them. That eventually breaks a person.
Just recently I decided to be my loud obnoxious self again and if people don't like it they can shove it. Just because you don't like who I am doesn't mean I have to change myself to please you. You either deal with the aspect of me you don't like or you can piss off and not be friends with me.
The only way I was gonna make true friends was if I was myself from the start. I thought "What's the point of keeping to myself at first and then showing my real side later? They could decide not to like me anymore and they'll stop talking to me." I really don't want that to happen to me, especially if I made a connection with someone.
My all time favourite quote: "Love someone for who they are and not for who you can change them to be."
I live by this quote and I always will. Don't be afraid to let go and be yourself.
Take care xx
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